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Fast and Furious with a Strawberry Condom!
As a simple club runner who enjoys the freedom of donning my running shoes and hitting the open road the idea of having to co ordinate three different sports, one after the other seemed a little too complicated. I also couldn't quite take seriously a sport whose Olympic champion "High Fived" the crowd on the finishing line, couldn't picture Paula Radcliffe doing that down the last 100m of the 10,000m could you?
However an enforced running layoff due to a back injury forced me to rethink my spring and summer training. During a visit to the Aubigny Sports Centre I noticed a sign encouraging new comers to the East Lothian Triathlon cycle training sessions on a Thursday evening. What really attracted my attention was the statement that " no one would be left behind", that'll do me. Several sessions later with a small but selected group along with three or four Saturday afternoon pool sessions and a recovering back, I was ready for my first triathlon. The North Berwick short tri seemed to fit the bill. Sixteen lengths of the pool, nine miles cycle and a two and a half-mile run didn't seem too hard - famous last words.
Pre race prep went badly. I had good intentions of cycling and running the route, practising the transition phases especially the infamous cycle to run stage, couldn't quite work out what all the fuss was about. However I did manage the time to practice the swim to cycle transition. Thank goodness no one saw me running out of the shower at home into the back garden in my swimming costume, dressing furiously into cycle kit and jumping onto my bike. Well I am a serious athlete and every second counts. There had been a wee bit of pre race banter with a colleague who was also competing. I got into a bit of a flap when he told me that his estimated swim time was 5.45 when I had indicated nine minutes on my registration form. A quick swim session persuaded me to rethink and I contacted the organisers to change my estimated time to a more accurate 7 minutes 30 seconds.
The day before the race was spent preparing my bike but there's not much you can do to a fat tyred, heavy weight mountain bike to help your cycle time. Sunday morning, race day, up at 6.30 car loaded and off to North Berwick Sports Centre. My first contact with the organisers was to be told to shift my car that didn't bode well for the rest of the day. I unpacked the bike and kit and collected my race number and lunch voucher and proceeded to the transition area. The sight of carbon fibre forks and fancy spoked wheels didn't do anything for my confidence. I tried to look inconspicuous with my excuse for a bike whilst paying close attention to how everyone else was setting out his or her kit.
Towel, impregnated with talcum powder laid out next to socks and running shoes with vest and running shorts, I'm not that keen to run in just my trunks I do have some street cred to maintain. With helmet balanced on the bike seat, straps at the ready, I changed into spare training gear and did a good warm up and stretch session. Onto the poolside for the briefing session, three more visits to the loo and I was ready to roll. I'd been placed into lane five of the second group scheduled to start at 9.25 prompt. I was second off in my lane with a thirteen-year-old from the swimming club in front of me. Each swimmer had to wear a condom - sorry swim cap, mine was strawberry red, and at least I didn't have to wear the banana coloured one. Unfortunately my condom split, not a problem I'd encountered before. However there were no serious consequences and I quickly and expertly donned a replacement without losing my rhythm, so to speak, well practice does make perfect.
The swim started on time at 9.25 and five seconds later I was off. It took just six lengths for my stroke to deteriorate into an impression of one of those lizards (I think their called Jesus lizards) who run on water, arms and legs splashing uncontrollably. I caught the lad in front some time later and he kindly moved over to let me past. He did however get his own back and passed me with two lengths to go.
Not wanting to look a prat, which in the end I successfully achieved, I attempted to spring athletic like out of the pool to the admiring gasps of the on looking crowd. However, my arms had other ideas and all I could manage was an undignified slither and squirm onto the poolside. Then I had the indignity of not being able to get the condom off my head. A dash to the transition area and with the shower and garden practice sessions paying off I moved into the cycle stage without a hitch.
The cycle went well, passed a couple and passed by a couple, no great dramas. Toe clips undone and I sprung off the bike to hobble or was it wobble my way to the bike stand where I hung up my bike and flung down my helmet. Now they'd see something, a real athlete.
Did I say no big deal; well let me tell you something? At six foot tall with legs rather to long for my body my normal long stride diminished to one equivalent of a two-year-olds. Legs going ten to the dozen, I seemed to be going nowhere fast, other than up and down. It took a full mile and lots of concentration to persuade my legs to get into running mode. Having said that I managed to pass four runners, two of who looked a bit handy.
I entered the finishing line funnel at full tilt, shouted my number and I'd finished. Two very enthusiastic young helpers thrust two medals, a banana and a bottle of water into my hands. This confused me a little, had they given me a medal too many or was I supposed to get three one for each stage? Just as I was pondering the question a polite young lady relieved me of one of the medals.
The results came in reasonable time, no split unfortunately just an overall time of 55.15 for me, first local bloke and 6th individual. For only the second time in my life I had won something and for the second time I missed the presentation. All that effort, a packed café to cheer and clap my triumph and I missed it. A member of the organising committee caught up with me and presented me with a Blackburn tyre pump and a promise of a year's membership of the Seabird Centre, one of the event sponsors.
That was it all over in a tad over 55 minutes. Running will still be my first sport but the challenge of the triathlon will see me entering a race again either as an individual or perhaps in a team. My thanks to the East Lothian Triathlon Club and all the helpers on the day.
P.S. Yes I did manage to pin my number onto the front of my vest only and did remember to put the helmet on after the vest.
Ian Sills
